Why Are So Many Quality Black Women Single Today? Part 1

“I Don’t Need A Man, But I Desire To Have 
One….So Why Am I Single?”

Today there’s a very significant number of professional Black women who have positioned themselves for success with BA’s,MD’s, as well as PHD’s…..but unfortunately, 70% of them are still without the more elusive title:

                “MRS.”

Besides losing hordes of Black men towomen from other races, besides losing Black men as a result of the 1.1 million Black men who are currently incarcerated, and besides losing Black men to the down-low(homosexual) lifestyle as well as the ever increasing homicide rate among Black men today, there are other major factors that are keeping more and more Black women single now than ever before…..

                                 

     Have you met this woman?

“Why Am I Single?”

She has a great job, works very hard and she earns six figures annually. She has NO children, she’s baggage-free, and she’s in total control of her own life. She went to college, studied very hard to obtain her degree(s). She’s very attractive, very intelligent, verypersonable, articulate, well versed and seems very interested in everybody and everything……..But yet she’s SINGLE!

Or maybe you know this woman!

“Lord….Why Am I Single?”

She’s very active in the church. She’s very faithful and totally committed. She sings in the choir, serves on the usher board, and attends every church function and every committee meeting. She Loves the Lord and knows Scripture. You’d think that with her keen knowledge of the Scriptures and the respect of her church members she’d have a marriage made in Heaven……But once again, NO HUSBAND!

                            Or how about the community activist?

“Of All People, Why Am I Single?”

She’s a Black lady, or as she would prefer you to call her, a Strong, Independent, African American woman on the move. She may be sportin a short natural; or sometimes cornrow braids or perhaps even locked hair. She’s a wonderful community organizer, a greatmotivator and a cultural dynamo.

Her work for Black people speaks volumes for itself–organizing women for self-help,raising funds for a community cause and educating many others regarding new political, economical and social needs in the surrounding neighborhoods. Many Black folks look up to her while white folks know she’s a force to be reckoned with…..But again, this quality African American woman is NOT MARRIED!

      “What do ALL of these women have in common?”

These Sistahs seem to have so much going on for themselves; so what could they be lacking? Why is it they may be able to hook a man but neither of them can seem to hold a man? A great multitude of successful, single and seeking African American women today (70%) ponder over this question on a daily basis. They gather at beauty salons, fitness centers, singles retreats, women’s blogs and together over a cup of coffee at the office wondering……

                        “What’s wrong with Black men?”

They hold special prayer vigils and fast and pray and beg Jesus to send the Black men back to church. They may occasionally experience some quality Brothas attending Church functions, political rallies, or participating in protests and or other community functions, but when it’s time to go home, those quality Brothas all go home to someone else.

After asking over and over again “What’s wrong with Black men?” It never ever dawned on many of the above Black women to ask themselves….

                                    “What’s wrong with us Black women?”

What I have found out and what many of today’s Black women have yet to discover, is that….

“THE SKILLS AND QUALIFICATIONS THAT MAKE A WOMAN VERY SUCCESSFUL IN THE WORKPLACE, IN THE CHURCH AND IN THE COMMUNITY ARE NOT THE SAME SKILLS REQUIRED TO MAKE A WOMAN VERY SUCCESSFUL IN A RELATIONSHIP OR MARRIAGE!”  

“LADIES, PLEASE UNDERSTAND….HIGHER EDUCATION OR A GREAT PAYING JOB “DOES NOT” ENTITLE YOU TO A GOOD MAN, NOR DOES IT ENTITLE YOU TO A “PERFECT” RELATIONSHIP!

Linear thinking, self-reliance, structured goals and direct actions on getting the job done, whether in organizing the church, promoting social club activities, or placing oneself in a position for a raise or a promotion….”ARE JUST THAT!!“

However, relationship-building requires a whole different set of skills and requirements altogether. It requires making decisions that are NOT only gratify to you, but also making decisions that are very satisfactory to your partner as well. Black women it means thatsometimes you may be required to do the things that will keep the peace rather than achieve the goal. And sometimes it may even require you to take the high-road and create the peace in the first place.

Maintaining a harmonious relationship will NOT always allow you to take the straight and narrow road between two points. Sistahs, sometimes you may have to stoop in order to conquer, or sometimes you may be required to yield in order to win.

The saddest thing regarding many Black women today is that many of them have been mentally conditioned by feminism and mainstream society to embrace a very destructive,anti-man attitude.

By that I mean feminism has taught most of them that in order to be “PRO-WOMAN” they have to become “ANTI-MAN”. Feminism has also mentally conditioned multitudes of Blackwomen today that a woman (namely a self-sufficient, professional Black woman) isweak, oppressed and very passive to a man especially if she makes a conscious decision to take good care of him in the more  traditional ways that most women were taught to by their (traditional) mothers, grandmothers and or aunts in the past.

In other words, professional or career-oriented women today who strongly desire to learn how to cook for their husbands and who strongly desire to take very good care of his home as well as his children in more traditional ways are frowned upon, and in many casesscorned by today’s contemporary feminist Black women.

Traditional Black women today (professional or nonprofessional) are classified as beingweak, passive, old-fashion and very outdated by modern-day feminist Black women. They are NOT classified as strong, nor are they considered independent.

Today’s feminists foolishly believe something is definitely wrong with wanting to be a “traditional” family-oriented Black woman.

Black woman, in too many cases when dealing with Black men you will have to sometimes sacrifice being right in order to enjoy being loved.

For Example: Being acknowledged as the head of the household is an especially important thing for many Black men today since their manhood is actively challenged everywhere else. It does not matter to him that you earn $10 more a week than him. Not at all!!!

Unfortunately, many modern day, “single and seeking” Black women have been mentally conditioned to automatically claim head-of the-household simply because they earn a few dollars more a week than their male companion. As a result, many of these same Blackwomen incite catastrophic power struggles with their men on a daily basis. And because many Black women today embrace that destructive (feminist) mentality, many of them failto sustain healthy relationships. As a result, most of them go on to become so independent, so self-sufficient, so committed to the cause, to their church, to their careers and even to their own narrow individual concepts that their entire personalities project an:

                        “I DON’T NEED A MAN” ATTITUDE!”

                              So they end up without one!!!!

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